December 2020 - January 2021

1. A Report 報告

By the time you read this I'll have finished week 15 out of the 20 weeks that comprise the fall semester.  I have two more weeks of classes to plan, and after that I'm testing the students in grades 3-6 in both of the schools where I work.  During weeks 19 and 20 I'll have a lot more freedom in terms of what I teach, and lessons during the last two weeks of any semester are usually interrupted or postponed by whatever school activities are planned for that time. 當你讀到這裡的時候, 我已經完成第一學期的第十五周了.  這個學期總共有二十周.  我還要寫兩個禮拜的課程計畫, 之後要為兩所學校的三到六年級學生測驗.  第十九跟第二十周我比較自由, 除了上課內容比較自由外.  每個學期的最後兩個禮拜學校也會舉辦活動, 我的課應該會變少.

Then, my friends, Chinese New Year vacation is imminent.  Can you feel it?  Can you feel the nearness of that many days off?  Ah, it's glorious, I tell you.  Glorious! 朋友們, 知道嗎?  寒假也即將來臨了.  感覺到了嗎?  那麼多天不用上班!  真是美好的事.  好棒!

With all of the above in mind I thought I'd talk about where I am, what I'm doing, how I'm doing, and what the near future might hold for me.. 知道這些事之後, 我想說說自己住的地方, 最近做的事, 心態和可能的未來.

I. My House 我的房子

As stated elsewhere, we're renting an old house in Shin Kai Village, Fangliao Township.  It's about 30 minutes by bike from my main school, and 40 minutes by bike from my second school.  The paint is peeling off the walls, and we have no use for the third floor, but the house is in (relatively) good condition and the landlord is nice. 我已經在其他文章說了, 我們在枋寮鄉新開村租了一棟房子.  這棟房子離我的基地學校騎單車30分鐘, 離衛星學校騎單車40分鐘.  雖然牆壁上的油漆慢慢剝落, 我們也沒有使用到三樓, 可是房子的現況還不錯, 房東也很親切.

If I have a complaint regarding that house it's the noise.  My neighbors tend to have really loud conversations, and they seem generally unaware of when to use their indoor voices.  They also get up early, and the rumble of their farm machinery forces me to get up early too.  On the weekends they sing KTV so loudly it rattles the windows in our house. 我對那棟房子不滿意的部分是噪音.  我鄰居們大聲聊天, 不在乎室內音量跟戶外音量的差異.  他們都很早起床, 也很早開始使用農機.  周末的時候他們大聲唱KTV, 聲音大到我們窗戶的玻璃會動.

II. My Cats 我的貓

I have five cats now.  We still have the three we brought over from Taitung, plus two kittens we found in a graveyard near one of my schools.  We were pretty sure the kittens were going to die when we found them, but I'm happy to say that three weeks later they're doing fine.  We named the orange one Mango and the white one Milky.  They still need to drink milk from a bottle, but they'll be moving on to solid food soon. 我們現在養了五隻貓.  除了從台東帶過來的三隻, 再加上在墓地撿到兩隻貓寶寶.  我們發現那兩隻的時候都認為牠們快要上天堂了, 我現在很高興地說經過了三個禮拜牠們還活著.  我們叫白色的那隻Milky, 橘色的那隻Mango.  牠們還需要喝奶粉, 可是快要轉換吃固體貓食了.

III. My Family in Taiwan 我台籍的家人

I haven't seen any of my Taiwanese in-laws for a while.  I'm really not sure how they're doing. 我很久沒有跟我太太的家人見面, 不知道他們最近怎樣.

IV. My Family in the States 我美籍的家人

My sister's going to have a baby.  It'll be her first.  I'm very happy about that. 我妹妹要生了.  這是她第一個寶寶.  這件事讓我很開心.

I haven't talked my brother in a while.  As he is a performing musician and nearly all concerts in the U.S. have been cancelled due to COVID, he's probably doing some other kind of work to make ends meet. 我很久沒有跟我的弟弟聯絡了.  在美國, 因為病毒的關係, 不可以舉辦音樂會, 所以彈吉他的他應該正做著其他的工作.

My mom seems to be having difficulty hearing.  Phone conversations with her can be hard.  Otherwise she seems fine. 我媽的聽力好像變差了.  打電話給她很困難.  除了這件事, 她好像沒有問題.

My dad is doing better.  He was suffering from severe depression the last time I saw him - for completely understandable reasons - but he sounds very upbeat on the phone now. 我爸最近比較好.  我上次見到他時他很傷心 -- 大家可以了解的理由 -- 可是最近和他通話, 他聽起來比較開心.

V. My Job 我的工作

As said above I work at two schools, one in Fangliao Township and one in Jiadong Township.  I spend three days of every week at Fangliao, and two days at Jiadong.  I have a similar number of classes at both schools. 我各在枋寮和佳冬的兩所學校上班.  我每個禮拜三天在枋寮, 兩天在佳冬.  我在這兩所學校上的課數差不多.

I can't go into too much detail about either school because a) it will get me into trouble, and b) it violates the terms of my contract.  I will say, however, that I like one school MUCH more than the other.  Staff in both schools have been very friendly and welcoming, and I've never been made to feel like my presence in either school was extraneous.  The students in south Pingtung County seem to have more family issues than what I encountered in Taitung City, and the schools in the area have fewer resources, but on the whole my job here isn't that different from what I was doing in Taitung. 我沒辦法很仔細地討論這兩所學校, 因為: a) 這麼做我會自找麻煩, b) 我的合約也不允許我這麼做.  我可以說其中的一所比較適合我.  這兩所學校的工作人員都很親切, 我也覺得這兩所學校都想要我這種外師. 我這邊的工作跟台東的工作差不多.但是屏東南部的孩子好像比台東市區的孩子有家庭的問題, 學校的資源也比較缺. 

VI. The Pingtung County Government 屏東縣政府

In the course of doing my job I sometimes have to deal with the Pingtung County Government.  Comparing Pingtung County to Taitung County, and also Pingtung City to Taitung City, I'd say that Taitung City has an enormous advantage in that it's located in the center of Taitung County.  The Pingtung County Government is located in Pingtung City, far from the southern end of the county, and this makes administration more of a challenge. 我工作的小部分需要跟屏東縣政府交流.  以屏東縣跟台東縣比, 和屏東市與台東市比, 我覺得台東市的位置在台東縣中心這一點比較好.  屏東縣政府在屏東市區, 但是離屏東縣南端很遠.  這樣子縣政府管理比較偏鄉的事務時很麻煩.

I had a hell of a time getting correct information about meetings when I started here.  The communication between the folks in Pingtung City and most of the foreign teachers was really bad.  Over the past three months communication has slowly improved, but I still feel that teachers (and by this I mean all teachers) could be better informed about upcoming meetings, guidelines, and other things pertaining to their jobs. 我剛開始在這裡工作時, 覺得收到正確的研習資訊及其他的工作訊息很難,   屏東縣的外籍教師間的溝通不是很好.  雖然這幾個月溝通的部分慢慢改善了, 可是我還是覺得縣府傳給外師的研習資料和工作上的相關資訊還有改進的空間.

As it is I try to add important people on Line whenever possible.  This has worked for me so far. 我碰到新同事的時候就加他們的Line.  這樣子對我來說比較有幫助.

VII. Pingtung in General 屏東縣

For a while I was suffering from gout.  Too many new foods and too much eating out.  I've had problems with gout for years, but around the end of October it got REALLY bad.  I've had to be more careful about what I eat, but I've been fine for the past month or so. 有一段時間我有痛風.  太多外食和飲食種類的改變  我有痛風的問題好幾年了, 可是今年十月底真的是很嚴重.  我只好更小心我的飲食, 還好上個月至今這問題都沒有再發生, 

Pingtung is fine in general.  It's very poor in places, the population is shrinking and it has about it an air of faded glory.  When we really want to "go out" for dinner we go to either Chaojhou to the north or Donggang to the west.  Both places have more of restaurants, though I have to say I find Donggang far more interesting. 屏東很好.  有的地方很貧窮, 人口也在減少, 還給人發展日漸落沒的感覺.  我們想去比較遠的地方吃飯的時候會去潮州或是東港.  這兩鎮的餐廳比較多.  我覺得東港比較有趣.

When we want to go somewhere even further away we head to Pingtung City or Kaohsiung.  There are some surprisingly good restaurants in Pingtung City, and the presence of Carrefour, department stores and movie theaters in that sainted metropolis are also incentives to go there.  We went to Kaohsiung A LOT when we first moved to Pingtung, but the drive from our house into downtown Kaohsiung is exhausting. 再遠就去屏東市或是高雄.  屏東市有些很不錯的餐廳, 也有家樂福, 百貨公司跟電影院.  我們剛搬到屏東的時候去高雄好幾次, 可是從我們家開車到高雄市區很累.

I've been to Hengchun and Manjhou a handful of times since moving here.  I really like Manjhou. 我搬到屏東之後去過恆春, 滿州幾次.  我很喜歡滿州.

Due to my gout I haven't biked around the county as much as I'd intended to, but now that I'm better I'm able to do that again.  I rode to Sandimen up the Mountainside Highway last weekend.  It was as beautiful and interesting as anything in Taitung. 因為痛風的關係, 我不像以前常常騎單車.  現在身體變好後就可以騎了.  我上個周末騎沿山公路到三地門.  風景和景點跟台東一樣好.

VIII. Taiwan 台灣

And Taiwan?  How's Taiwan doing?  I think that I can say that most people here - at least in relative terms - are doing fine.  People aren't dying by the thousands from COVID, China hasn't invaded yet, and the economy has been oddly buoyant since the pandemic started. 台灣呢?  台灣怎麼樣?  我應該可以說在台灣大部分的人沒事.  武漢病毒沒有傷害那麼多人, 大陸沒有入侵台灣, 經濟也不錯.

If I remember correctly, the most recent news concerned the importation of American pork.  Those who raise pigs in Taiwan are worried about unfair competition, and the public is worried about chemicals present in American pork.  Considering that pork is much more of a staple food in Taiwan, I believe that these concerns are valid.  My personal opinion?  Knowing the American FDA, I'd rather eat Taiwanese pork. 如果沒有記錯的話, 最近的新聞主要關於美國豬肉的輸入.  台灣的養豬農民擔心經濟上的不公平競爭.  一般的人民擔心美國豬肉裡的萊克多巴胺.  台灣的豬肉食用量大, 我想大家擔心是有道理的.  我認為美國的FDA不是好的政府部門, 也覺得台灣的豬肉比較安全.

IX. The World 我們的地球

Well, Biden's going to the White House, so that's something to be optimistic about.  It's nice having a President I can bear listening to.  To be perfectly honest, I voted for Trump in the election - I thought he'd be better for Taiwan - but I'll admit I was relieved when Biden won. 比登被選上, 這是大家可以放心的.  他的演講我可以聽得下去.  說實話, 我投川普的票.  對台灣來說, 我覺得川普的政策比較好, 可是我一知道比登被選上後鬆了一口氣.

And there's a COVID vaccine on the horizon.  Will you or I be receiving this vaccine soon?  Not likely, but it's encouraging just the same.  At this point in history anything that points toward people working together and solving problems makes me happy.  We might not colonize Mars by next Friday, but by God we'll get there one day soon. 冠狀病毒疫苗也出現了.  我們可以很快的打疫苗嗎?  大概不會, 可是這還是很鼓舞人心.  這歷史性的一刻, 人們互相合作解決問題這一點讓我很開心.  雖然我們下禮拜五前不會殖民火星, 但總會有做到的一天.

2. Pingtung in the News 屏東的新聞 (North 北) 2

There are 29 townships, 3 municipalities and one city in Pingtung County.  It's exhausting to include news from every township, municipality and Pingtung City every time, so what I'll do instead is include news items from eleven different townships or municipalities in each entry.  This way I should be able to work my way through Pingtung County every three entries. 屏東縣包含了29個鄉, 3個鎮還有屏東市.  每次討論所有鄉鎮的新聞太累了, 所以我會每次討論11個鄉鎮的報告.  這樣子我每三篇新聞文章就會涵蓋到全縣內鄉鎮的新聞.

1. Ligang Township 里港鄉

A. The Environmental Protection Bureau and other local authorities were called in after the noise from a local temple festival persisted late into the night.  Those responsible for the noise and garbage were fined. 屏東縣里港廟會繞境鞭炮擾民  警 , 消依法開罰

B. Ligang Township is offering birth subsidies to boost its population.  Ligang Township has been implementing this policy since 2012, and the subsidies, ranging from 30 to over 100 thousand NT dollars, vary depending on the number of children in each family. <屏東>  里港 "催生" 再加碼  第4胎給12萬 (1)

C. A police officer working in Ligang collapsed inexplicably.  He was taken by fellow officers to E-Da Hospital in Kaohsiung, where he was diagnosed with a myocardial infarction.  An operation was performed, but the medical staff at the hospital were unable to save him. 協助病患強制送醫  屏東警員心肌梗塞急救5天後不治

2. Gaoshu Township 高樹鄉

A. This article introduces a resort and a couple other attractions in Gaoshu.  "Da Lu Guan," the old name for an area near the resort, was part of the Hakka "Right Duei" settlement. 寬闊草地 + 歐式夢想莊園 !  高樹鄉大路關好讚站 x 幸福莊園  帶路探訪石師三兄弟

B. In this article a man with relatives in Pingtung reflects on his childhood memories and taking part in the Gaoshu Marathon. 賽事心得 / 屏東高樹蜜鄉馬拉松  重溫兒時的回憶

C. A local man, devastated by the recent death of his wife, was found unwashed and unresponsive on the road by local police.  The police later returned him to his village. 阿北呆坐旁恍神... 問住哪不回應  口袋一張紙揭深情故事惹人淚

3. Sandimen Township 三地門鄉

A. As part of the Pingtung County Government's push to renovate or relocate cemeteries, and also to promote cremation over burial, one of the cemeteries in Sandimen was renovated.  This renovation, however, made burial very expensive, and fees were only recently reduced to accommodate local incomes. 規費過高 "住不起"  屏東三地門鄉幅調降殯葬管理費

B. Since the advent of COVID, tourism in Sandimen has declined.  As a way of stimulating the local economy and/or financially assisting local residents, in October the Sandimen Township Office gave every resident 1000 NT. 屏東三地門鄉振興禮金  每人1000元

4. Wutai Township 霧台鄉

A. Wutai Township was recently recognized by the Agriculture and Food Administration for its efforts in regard to organic farming.  I can only hope they're confining their organic farming to areas where it is legal to farm. 全台首個有機鄉示範地  屏東霧台鄉展成果

B. With the encouragement of local government, residents of Wutai have been farming lilies.  This flower has a cultural significance within the Rukai Tribe. 霧台植2.8萬株百合  預約美景

C. Coffee beans area also grown in Wutai.  This report discusses how a local man is growing coffee beans on his grandmother's land. 擦亮霧台咖啡招牌  杜俊文用阿嬤的農地種出特等咖啡豆

5. Jiouru Township 九如鄉

A. Over a hundred people attempted to remove the head of Sankuai ("Three Pieces") Village from office.  They lacked the required number of signatures to do so.  No reason for this attempted dismissal is given in the article, aside from "destroying the harmony of the village." 二階連署未過  屏東縣九如鄉三塊村長罷免案宣告不成立

B. Residents of Jiouru recently visited the Taiwan Water Company (a water utility) to inspect operations there.  The Taiwan Water Company has been working to improve the supply of tap water to places like Jiouru, where people previously relied on groundwater. 九如鄉給台水一個讚

C. A man living in Jiouru has spent a lot of time and money improving roads in that area.  While fixing the roads his wife directs traffic and his son assists him.  He, his wife and their son were recently given an award for their efforts. 常年幫補破路  一家三口都獲獎

6. Yanpu Township 鹽埔鄉

A. Work has begun on the riverbanks and canals near the Wuluo River, which is a source of flooding in the area. 改善大仁科大周邊淹水  武洛溪大仁支線二期排水工程展開

B.Jiang Wei-ping, former head of Yanpu Township, was sworn in as Pingtung County Councillor after the previous office holder was accused of bribery. 鄭雙銓涉嫌賄選遭解職  前屏東縣副議長江維屏宣誓上任

C. As recently announced by the Pingtung County Bureau of Cultural Affairs, several workshops were held throughout the county.  One of these workshops, in Yanping Township, centered around the making of puppets. 屏東49個社區營造有成  展現草根力量

7. Pingtung City 屏東市

A. Bus service in Pingtung City is terrible.  But then again very few people in Pingtung City ride the bus.  Maybe it doesn't matter? 屏東市區公車搭乘率太低  日搭乘人數平均不到20人次

B. The Pingtung City Government was criticized after installing unsightly solar panels in a local park.  The County's "green energy" plan was also criticized, in that it often values green energy at the expense of green areas.  The solar panels will be removed. 綠電搶綠地挨批  經協商屏東市永新公園光電板將拆除

C. Pingtung City's Global Mall is working hard to attract customers with several Christmas-themed events. Global Mall屏東市店打造 "反應過激的貓" 森林雪景打卡點

8. Chang Jr Township 長治鄉

A. Chang Jr (Changjr?  Changjer?) will be hosting a road run on December 20.  They will be promoting the kumquats grown there during the event. 帶動金桔產業  長治鄉辦路跑促銷產業

B. The township has also been working with professors at nearby Daren University of Science and Technology to develop recipes incorporating kumquats. 推廣長治在地農產金桔  大仁科大備 "亨桔宴"

C. The mayor of Chang Jr Township recently visited the local military training facility to see how recruits there were doing.  They said they were doing fine. 長治鄉長探視役男  鼓勵子弟充實自我

9. Linluo Township 麟洛鄉

A. Along with plans to extend the Kaohsiung MRT into Pingtung, there are additional plans to construct bike trails and parks in Linluo and Jhutian townships.  As part of this initiative the County will begin construction of the "Prince and Grandma Park" in Linluo.  This park will reflect the area's Hakka heritage. 活化客庄車站  麟洛站前打造王爺奶奶公園 (2)

B. Several scholars were recently invited to Linluo Township to help preserve historical materials and to contribute to a local chronicle of the area. 9名學者專家投入麟洛鄉志編纂任務  預計2年後完成

C. The local fire department visited Linluo Elementary School to teach kids about CPR and fire prevention. 麟洛國小園遊爆竹煙火防火防災宣導  學童收穫良多

10. Jhutian Township 竹田鄉

A. Jhutian won an award from the Global Brand Management Association recognizing its achievements with regard to improving living conditions there. 屏東縣唯一竹田鄉獲台灣城鎮品牌銀質獎 (3)

B. People have been parking their cars for long periods of time near the Jhutian Train Station, creating a scarcity of parking spaces in the area.  The Jhutian Township Office decided to start charging a parking fee as a way of solving this problem. 竹田火車站停車場  每小時5元

11. Neipu Township 內埔鄉

A. Neipu will host a street festival similar to one held in Chaojhou around Chinese New Year.  Local businesses have high hopes for this event. 農曆年不能出國來屏東 !  內埔勳循潮州模式辦年街  同攤票下3特區

B. A "toy gun" and a bronze medal from a Nezha temple in Neipu were stolen by a man later arrested in Chaojhou.  He later claimed that he gave them to a child to play with. 連三太子玩具槍供品也偷 !  內埔警一天抓人賊 : 送小朋友玩 (4)

C. The owner of two rifles was arrested near an elementary school in Neipu.  The firearms were purchased legally, but the man is under investigation. 校園附近的槍彈情資  屏東內埔警不敢大意

3. 台灣地名故事 Taiwanese Place Name Stories 1

The Chinese text below was taken from "Taiwanese Place Name Stories" 台灣地名故事, published by Windmill Ltd. 三暉圖書發行有限公司 in 2012.  The Chinese text was written by 張青史, and the English was written/translated by me.

帝王福地 -- 屏東鯉魚山傳奇

The Emperor's Promised Land: The Legend of Pingtung's Liyu Mountain

位於屏東縣萬丹鄉的鯉魚山, 因形狀像鯉魚而得名.  據說, 鯉魚山正巧位在一個鯉魚穴上, 穴中住著一對千年鯉魚精.  康熙61年7月11日, 鯉魚山第一次發生泥火山爆發, 附近的居民都非常高興. Liyu (Carp) Mountain is in Pingtung County, Wandan Township.  It gets its name from its shape, which resembles a carp.  According to legend, it was located atop a cave inhabited by two carp spirits, both a thousand years old.  The first eruption there occurred during the 11th day of the 7th month of the 61st year of Emperor Kangxi's reign, and this eruption made the people living in that area very happy. (1)

王老爹說 : "這是鯉魚精開始作法了 , 鯉魚精是吉祥的動物 , 一定會帶給我們幸運的 ."  Elder Wang said: "This is carp spirits coming into existence.  Carp spirits are auspicious beings.  This is sure to bring us good luck."

曾大叔進一步的補充說 : "鯉魚精出現 , 表示我們萬丹這個地方 , 將來會產生 "真命天子" , 鯉魚山就是那位 "真命天子" 的皇帝殿 .  鯉魚精讓泥火山噴出泥漿 , 目的是在做造山運動 , 要使鯉魚山能像大武山那般高俊雄偉 , 如此 , 皇帝殿就可以穩如泰山 . Uncle Zeng added: "The appearance of carp spirits means that Wandan will one day give birth to the "Rightful King," and that Liyu Mountain will be the Rightful King's Palace.  The carp spirits cause mud to spout from the ground, with the intention of making Liyu Mountain as tall as Dawu Mountain.  In this way the Rightful King's Palace will be as secure as if it was located on Mount Tai." (2)

由於王老爹和曾大叔都是村裡德高望重的長者 , 因此 , 村民也都認同他們的看法 , 全心全意的督促年輕學子努力讀書 , 充實知識 , 以便將來能成為真命天子 . Because Elder Wang and Uncle Zeng were both highly respected in the village, the villagers all agreed with their assessment.  They urged the children in the village to study hard, and to become wise so that in the future one of them could become the "Rightful King."

果然, 過了幾年, 在雍正元年6月26日, 泥火山第二次爆發, 當時鯉魚山的赤山巖一帶, 紅光滿天, 地面衝開二孔, 黑色泥漿不斷的冒出來.  村民前往觀察, 發現是那兩隻鯉魚經再度施展法術, 噴出泥漿.  他們更加確定 "皇帝殿" 快蓋好了, 而他們出頭天的日子也已經不遠 . Sure enough, several years later, during the 26th day of the 6th month of Emperor Yong Jeng's reign, the mud volcano erupted a second time.  At the same time, the rocks around Liyu Mountain glowed red, casting their radiance into the sky.  Two holes appeared in the earth, and black mud continually spurted from them.  The villagers moved closer to inspect the holes, and came to the conclusion that the spurting mud was just the carp spirits again, working their magic.  They became even more convinced that the "Rightful King's Palace" was nearing completion, and that their day of glory would soon arrive.

這時候 , 正好有一位乞丐經過 , 看到兩隻鯉魚經在互相加油 , 呼喚 , 使得泥漿不斷的湧出 , 發出 "轟隆 ! 轟隆 !" 的巨大聲響 .  乞丐不明就裡 , 認為是兩隻鯉魚經在作怪 , 心裡既生氣又害怕 , 就把手上的拐杖往泥漿中擲去 , 無巧不巧 , 竟然擊斃了雄的鯉魚精 .  從此以後 , 鯉魚穴就被破壞了 , "皇帝殿" 沒能建造完成 , "真命天子" 自然也就無法順利產生 .  雄鯉魚精死後 , 雌鯉魚精非常傷心 , 就離開萬丹 , 遁走南海. As this was happening a beggar was passing by.  He saw the two carp spirits stirring up the mud, and heard them calling out with a great "Hong!  Hong!"  The beggar was unfamiliar with the area, and thought that the two carp spirits were up to no good.  He felt angry and scared, and he threw his crutch into the mud, which - wonder of wonders - killed the male carp spirit within.  In this way the cave of the carp spirits was destroyed, and the "Rightful King's Palace" was never completed.  Of course after this point the "Rightful King" would also never come to be.  After the male carp spirit was killed, the female carp spirit grew very sad, and left Wandan for the South China Sea.

村民們知道後 , 非常憤怒 , 將乞丐打了一頓 , 趕出村去 , 還立下一個規矩 : 從此不准任何一個乞丐進入村裡乞討 . After the villagers learned of this they were very angry, and they beat the beggar half to death.  From that time they made it a rule that no beggars could enter the village to beg for alms.

光緒28年9月 , 鯉魚山的泥火山再度爆發 , 連續好幾天噴出泥漿 .  村民傳說是雌鯉魚精回來了 , 因為思念雄鯉魚精 , 因此難過的噴出泥漿 .  During the 9th month of the 28th year of the Emperor Guangxu's reign the mud volcano erupted yet again, and continued to do so for several days.  According to the villagers, this event signified the female carp spirit's return.  The bubbling mud was caused by her longing for the male carp spirit.

此後 , 每當雌鯉魚精思念牠的伴侶時 , 就會再度噴出泥漿 .  但是因為傷心過度 , 噴出的泥漿已經大不如前了 .  From this time onward the mud would bubble up every time the female carp spirit missed her mate.  But because her pain has lessened with time, the mud does not bubble up as strongly as it once did.

4. Nonsense and Insensibility

Hey man, sit down here.  Why so nervous?  They're cats.

I know, right?  It quiet here at night.  Kinda.  But if you listen, there's some stuff going.  You hear my neighbors?  I think she's going smack him again.  And the.  Always the frogs after rains.  Sometimes frogs, sometimes bugs.  Alright, I'll turn on fan.  No idea how you feel hot though.  I'm in here.

Yeah they do that weekends.  What else is to do in this?  They get drunk and up the KTV.  I, I know.  Guy is terrible singer.  Still, it's than the soldiers passing on the road.  The and the shouting give a headache.

Well I've beer in the fridge, if you don't like I've got that whiskey the shelf.  I'd offer the gin, but there's a splash left in bottle.  The other bottle is kind of wine a gave me.  What?  Oh other one's cider.  Expensive, think.  A gift from coworker.

Over there past stairs.

What?  Oh, my other is over in Jiadong.  In over is school my oh.  What?

I what I meant to is northeast of here, the pineapple fields.

Yeah, Have a beer.  Taiwan always reminds me a of Taitung.  Sitting in of the Family Mart a Friday or Saturday.  A lot of years.  Sometimes different guys, but the same few.  Always night, always the mosquitoes, always the Taiwan beer.

Gin is different.  Gin me think of college.

I didn't drink whiskey much later.  I didn't it back home.  That Barrel Oak is good.

Feelings about cider.  No.  The wife drinks it; I.

Ten thousand what?  I know where any of stuff comes from.  I bought of it in Carrefour.

Good smell: ?

     I don't anything.

    But maybe (possibly)

          Could head out for dinner.

5. Roaming Around Fangshan Township 枋山鄉幾個日遊

Fangshan Township is south of Fangliao Township.  It's basically just the stretch of Highway 1 between Fangliao and Checheng.  Almost everything east of the highway is in Shrdze Township.  To the west of Fangshan is the Taiwan Strait. 枋山鄉位於枋寮鄉以南.  台1線從枋寮到車城之間的那一段是枋山鄉的大部分.  省道的東邊是獅子鄉, 西邊就是台灣海峽.

Tourist sites in Fangshan?  I suppose you could visit President Tsai Ying-wen's ancestral home in Fenggang, but aside from that there's little aside from roadside stalls selling coffee or fruit. 枋山的景點?  楓港有總統蔡英文的祖厝.  除了這個地方, 只有賣水果或咖啡的攤子.

According to the last census, there are 5,242 people living in Fengshan.  Most of these people live in Fenggang, with smaller communities in Jialu, Central Fangshan and Jhukeng. 上次的人口統計顯示枋山的人口有5,242人.  楓港的人口最多, 加祿, 枋山市區跟竹坑的人口都比較少.

All of the pictures in this entry were taken between March and August of this year.  They're a bit older than I'd like, but then again I've visited recently and didn't notice any changes. 這文章裡的照片都是 今年三月至八月的時候拍的.  有點過期了, 可是我最近也去過枋山, 風景沒有任何改變.

This above picture was taken near the Fenggang Fishing Port. 上面的照片是在楓港漁港附近拍的.

A nearby mango field. 附近的芒果園.

President Tsai Ying-wen's ancestral home.  I doubt she's spent much time in this place, but locals seem very proud of it. 總統蔡英文的祖厝.  她大概在這裡的時間不長, 可是當地人好像覺得這個地方很特別.

In Fenggang there are many stalls along the highway.  Barbecued squid is big business. 在楓港公路旁邊有很多攤子.  很多人賣魷魚.

North of Fenggang is Central Fangshan. 楓港北邊有枋山市區.

We almost rented a house near here last summer.  I'm glad I came to my senses and chose not to.  It would've been a LONG drive to work every day. 我們夏天的時候考慮過在這裡租房子.  還好最後決定不要了.  從那邊上下班有一段路.

There are a lot of abandoned houses in the area. 這個地區的空房子超多.

Still further north is Jialu, a town not far from where I live.  It's just over the border from Fangliao Township. 往北有加祿, 靠近我住的村子.  過枋寮的邊界就到了.

This picture was taken in Jialu Elementary School.  Jialu is the last station before Fangliao, and only the slowest trains stop there. 這張是在加祿國小拍的.  加祿車站就是枋寮以南的第一個車站, 只有區間車停靠那裏.

The beaches in Jialu are surprisingly clean.  Maybe it's because there's nothing famous in that area? 加祿的海灘很乾淨.  可能是因為附近沒有景點吧.

And this picture?  I know it's in Fangshan, but I can't remember where I was when I took it.  I suspect it's somewhere between Jialu and Central Fangshan, not far from where the coffee vendors set up shop. 這張照片呢?  我知道我是在枋山拍的, 可是忘了是在枋山哪裡.  我想大概在加祿和枋山市區中間的某個角落, 靠近賣咖啡的攤子吧.

6. No Man is an Island, and Some Islands aren't Big Enough for the Two of Us

The most isolated person I can think of is the guy who lives somewhere in the mountains behind the village where I live.  He's very far up there, with only the forest stretching away from him in every direction. 我想最與世隔絕的人應該是住在我們村子後面的某座山裡某個地方的那個先生.  他住在遠離人煙的深山樹林裡.

Less isolated than that guy is the village where I live.  How many people live in this village?  I'm guessing a few dozen.  In this village there are a few small temples and a couple tiny stores.  When the people running the stores don't feel like opening them I have to go down the hill, to Shuidiliao, to buy things. 沒有那麼封閉的是我居住的村莊.  村裡有多少人?  我猜是幾十個.  這個村子裡有幾間小廟和兩間雜貨店.  雜貨店的老闆不想做生意的時候, 我就要往下去到水底寮買東西.

More convenient than my village is Shuidiliao.  Shuidiliao has two 7-11s and two Family Marts.  Shuidiliao has a few restaurants, a grocery store, and a market where we sometimes buy vegetables.  Shuidiliao also has a night market, but not many people go there now. 水底寮比我住的村莊方便多了.  那裡有兩家7-11, 也有兩家全家和幾家餐廳, 一家超級市場, 還有我們偶而去買菜的菜市場.  水底寮有觀光夜市, 可是最近去夜市的人不多.

Central Fangliao, on the other side of Highway 1, is more developed than Shuidiliao.  It has a fishing port, a train station, more stores and restaurants, and two electronics stores.  Perhaps most importantly of all, Central Fangliao has a hospital.  Is there anything to do in Central Fangliao?  Not really, but a lot of people live there. 台1線另外一邊的枋寮市區比較發達.  它有漁港, 火車站, 較多的餐廳, 其他商店和兩家電子商店.  最重要的是, 枋寮有醫院.  枋寮哪裡最好玩?  好像沒有, 可是很多人住在那裏.

More developed than Central Fangliao are the three municipalities: Donggang, Chaodzou and Hengchun.  These municipalities have Starbucks, Domino's Pizza and Pizza Hut.  They have bigger banks and more Western food.  They also have their own tourist attractions.  Donggang has the Dapeng Bay National Scenic Area, and Hengchun has Kenting National Park.  Chaodzou, definitely the least interesting of the three municipalities, is nevertheless an important transit point in central Pingtung. 比枋寮更熱鬧的地方就是屏東的三個鎮: 東港, 潮州跟恆春.  這三個鎮有星巴克, 達美樂跟必勝客.  它們的銀行比較大, 還有更多的西方料理.  這三個鎮都有旅遊景點.  東港有大鵬灣國家風景區; 恆春有墾丁國家公園.  潮州是景點最少的鎮, 可是它一樣是重要交通樞紐.

More developed than the municipalities is Pingtung City.  Pingtung City has department stores and museums.*  Pingtung City has two Carrefours and a university.  The traffic in Pingtung City can be terrible, the air quality can be bad, but it's an interesting place to explore if you're in that kind of mood. 最熱鬧的是屏東市.  屏東市有百貨公司跟博物館.  也有兩家家樂福, 還有一所大學.  有時候屏東市的交通很糟, 空氣品質較低, 可是市區還值得逛一逛.

More "exciting" than Pingtung City?  That would be downtown Kaohsiung.  Downtown Kaohsiung has an MRT, Dream Mall, the Sanduo Shopping District, Costco, Ikea, an airport, several universities, and is near other attractions like E-Da World and Foguang Mountain.  Kaohsiung is as modern as any Taiwanese city with the possible exception of Taipei. 比屏東市熱鬧的地方呢?  這個地方就是高雄市.  高雄市有捷運, 夢時代, 三多商圈, 好市多, 宜家, 飛機場, 幾所大學, 義大世界跟佛光山也在附近.  不與台北比較, 高雄跟台灣其他的城市一樣現代化.

Taipei is as modern as Taiwan gets.  Taipei has everything, or nothing, depending on how much money you make and how you like to spend it. 台北是台灣最現代化的地方.  台北什麼都有, 也可能什麼都沒有.  這取決於你賺多少錢, 和你如何花錢.

I sometimes miss the excitement of places like Taipei and Kaohsiung.  I sometimes miss the lights, the crowds, and the energy of a place that's always trying to reinvent itself, that's always trying to out-compete whatever other cities, in other countries, are in slightly different ways. 我有時候很想念台北和高雄的那種熱鬧感.  我想念燈光, 人群和那種大城市一直在進步並與其他國家的大城市競爭所散發出來的活力. 每個城市都以些微不同的方式做著一樣的事.

But at the same time I feel happy when I hear the rustling of the trees outside my windows.  This, and there's always time enough to visit those places, wherever they may be.  They might have a few things my village doesn't, and they might offer the biggest version of everything, but those things are likely to remain where they are for the time being, and I'm in no hurry to visit them. 同時, 我聽到窗戶外面的樹葉沙沙聲時覺得很開心.  我想到自己會有機會去到那些地方.  那裡的東西比我村子裡的東西豐富, 比我村子的東西更大, 那些東西應該會繼續存在, 我不用急著得去找到它們.

I'm pretty sure the guy up in the mountains feels the same way.  Maybe I'll ask him sometime, if I ever meet him. 那位住在山區的先生應該也是這麼想的.  如果改天碰到他, 我會直接問他是不是這樣.

7. A Few More Pictures 多一些照片

 

Gangdze Village 港仔村, Manjhou Township 滿州鄉, Pingtung County 屏東縣

Gangdze "Desert," 港仔砂摸 Manjhou Township 滿州鄉, Pingtung County 屏東縣

Highway 26 台26線, Manjhou Township 滿州鄉, Pingtung County 屏東縣

Nanjhou Junior High School 南州國中, Nanjhou Township 南州鄉, Pingtung County 屏東縣

Fangliao Fishing Port 枋寮漁港, Fangliao Township 枋寮鄉, Pingtung County 屏東縣

Old Iron Bridge 舊鐵橋, Dashu District 大樹區, Kaohsiung City 高雄市

charcoal "factory," Dashu District 大樹區, Kaohsiung City 高雄市

old kiln, Dashu District 大樹區, Kaohsiung City 高雄市

Old Iron Bridge 舊鐵橋, Dashu District 大樹區, Kaohsiung City 高雄市

Old British Consulate at Takao 打狗英國領事館, Gushan District 鼓山區, Kaohsiung City 高雄市

Nanhe Village 南和村, Laiyi Township 來義鄉, Pingtung County 屏東縣

Highway 185, Neipu Township 內埔鄉, Pingtung County 屏東縣

8. Pingtung in the News 屏東的新聞 (Central 中) 2

There are 29 townships, 3 municipalities and one city in Pingtung County.  It's exhausting to include news from every township, municipality and Pingtung City every time, so what I'll do instead is include news items from eleven different townships or municipalities in each entry.  This way I should be able to work my way through Pingtung County every three entries. 屏東縣包含了29個鄉, 3個鎮還有屏東市.  每次討論所有鄉鎮的新聞太累了, 所以我會每次討論11個鄉鎮的報告.  這樣子我每三篇新聞文章就會涵蓋到全縣內鄉鎮的新聞.

1. Majia Township 瑪家鄉

A. The Majia Township Office was attempting to exact a fee from drivers using certain roads.  This plan, however, might be illegal. 山友反戰大 !  屏東瑪家 "專五道路" 收費卡關

B. A mobile clinic has been assisting Majia residents as part of Pingtung County's integrated community care network. 打造有溫度照顧  屏東整合社區網路  猶如小型珍所到你家

2. Wandan Township 萬丹鄉

A. Wandan will be getting new police and fire stations.  The present location created hazardous traffic conditions, and the buildings were very old. 警消新聽舍相繼動工  完工後將成為萬丹鄉行政核心地區

B. Iguanas, iguanas, iguanas.  A great big bastard of an iguana was spotted in Wandan, relaxing next to a canal. 巨尾綠鬣蜥日光浴嚇壞民眾  屏縣府設陷阱捕捉

C. A woman from Wandan returned to the township to celebrate the installation of a piece of public art.  This woman was one of the first people to demonstrate the use of the mechanized tiller, way back when the central government began promoting the mechanization of farming on a large scale.  Her tiller demonstration, which took place when she was only 16, was commemorated on a 1 NT coin. 首位平民肖像印鑄一元硬幣的陳命珠阿嬤回萬丹鄉母校

3. Wanluan Township 萬巒鄉

A. A new park was recently opened in Wanluan.  I drove by the place not long ago, and it looks like a fun place for kids. 萬巒親水公園啟用  緊鄰生命園區添話題

B. A fight following a land appraisal led to one death and two people injured.  Of course alcohol was involved. 萬巒鄉民土地鑑界糾紛釀全武行 1死2傷

C. A historic church in Wanluan was renovated, and will be open to the public next week.  It will be promoted as a tourist site, alongside a nearby cocoa bean plantation and a facility selling products made from cocoa beans. 屏東新景點  百年教堂變身  可可跨域推廣所  預計1/23開幕

4. Taiwu Township 泰武鄉

A. The coffee bean crop in Taiwu has been damaged by coffee borer beetles, and the amount of beans suitable for harvest has been reduced by 50%. 屏東泰武咖啡面臨咖啡果小蠹蟲害  減產5成

B. The policy requiring individuals to apply for a permit before visiting certain mountain areas was publicly debated.  This policy was previously implemented for the sake of national security, and to inhibit criminals from escaping into the mountains.  Several people in Majia and Taiwu townships spoke up in favor of maintaining the policy, in the interest of public order and preserving local ecosystems. 不願廢除山地管制區  瑪家 , 泰武 : 對治安有幫助

C. A survey of place names was conducted to determine which place names will be used in an official capacity next year. 泰武鄉領域地名調查成果  明年將與現行地號並列活用 (1)

5. Chaojhou Municipality 潮州鎮

A. A truck parked along a road in Chaojhou caught fire.  No one was injured. 屏東潮州鎮聯結車起火  無人員受傷

B. I believe this was mentioned here before, but here's another story about the temple in Chaojhou which was moved 10 meters.  This article has better pictures. 潮州鎮福安宮千人移廟好壯觀  一千多噸廟體緩挪10公尺

C. More and more residents of Chaojhou are using tap water (as opposed to groundwater).  As a result the Chaojhou Municipal Government has created a Chaojhou Operations Office, and the water utility company has also created a new district in the area. 屏東潮州自來水申請戶1萬2千戶  水公司成立潮州營運所

6. Xinyuan Township 新園鄉

A. A man driving through Shin Dong Village lost control of his car and crashed into a ditch. 屏東新園白色轎車疑失控  撞倒護欄側插進路旁水溝

B. There was another traffic accident on Highway 27 where it passes through Xinyuan.  In this case two vehicles were involved and several people were injured. 台27線新園段車禍4人傷1女童顱內出血傷勢嚴重 (2)

C. Accident statistics were released for intersections in and around Donggang.  Xinyuan Township, which is north of Donggang Municipality, ranked #1 in drunk driving-related fatalities and injuries. 屏東東港10大易肇事路口曝  酒駕死傷新園最多 "小琉球第二名"

7. Kanding Township 崁頂鄉

A. After the previous Township Chief was jailed for bribery, 70 year old Tseng Hui-de was elected Kanding Township Chief. 屏東崁頂鄉補選  70歲前鄉代會主席曾輝地當選 (3)

B. The Pingtung County Government is busy building a system of bike trails along the railways formerly used by Taisugar sugar refineries.  One of these bike trails passes through Kanding. 屏東萬金糖鐵自行車道啟用  前瞻計畫補助扮推手

8. Laiyi Township 來義鄉

A. Several legislators and other government officials recently visited Laiyi.  A "comprehensive service center" will be built there, which will combine elderly care, public outreach and a school focusing on the preservation of local aboriginal culture. 立委考察來義鄉部落之心  伍麗華催生原住民族學校

B. This article goes back a ways (November), but villagers in Laiyi are requesting financial compensation from the Taisugar Corporation, which owns several pig farms in the area.  Villagers in Laiyi are frustrated because residents of nearby Wanluan Township have been given more money in response to complaints of odor from the pig farms. 豬臭味難忍  來義鄉捍衛權益 (4)

9. Donggang Municipality 東港鎮

A. Building of a water resource recycling center in Donggang has started.  Droughts have been frequent, agricultural runoff is a big problem, and the County is spending a lot of money to clean up local waterways. 投近30億改善東港鎮廢汙水  水資源回收中心下月開工

B. Donggang Senior High School, the only senior high school in that area, has opened a "cram center" to accommodate students who need to study late into the night. 解決段考鎮圖塞爆  東港高中 "全年無休" K書中心揭牌

C. The mayor of Donggang has been working hard to clean up the area, pushing the local government to add night time garbage truck service and installing cameras at "hot spots" to prevent littering.  He's made some headway, even though the problem of locals dumping their garbage in certain locations persists. 棒子蘿蔔都出動 !  東港河堤溣髒亂熱點  增設監視器  日間定點車

10. Nanjhou Township 南州鄉

A. The recent cold spell has been causing locally grown wax apples to fall from the trees.  This year's wax apple crop has been drastically reduced as a result, and the local government is searching for solutions. 寒流一波波蓮霧蘋落果  屏縣府展開現勘

B. Police discovered drivers providing illegal taxi service after several cars, all bearing white plates, were reported near the Nanjhou Train Station.  The drivers were fined, and both their licenses and registrations were revoked. 白牌車南州地區載客  吊扣駕照 + 牌照再吃10萬罰單

C. Last month was bitter melon and papaya season in Nanjhou. 南州雙瓜節登場  由苦瓜 , 木瓜讓歲未苦盡甘來

11. Xinpi Township 新埤鄉

A. No news from Xinpi this time.  Maybe no news is good news?

9. 台灣地名故事 Taiwanese Place Name Stories 2

The Chinese text below was taken from "Taiwanese Place Name Stories" 台灣地名故事, published by Windmill Ltd. 三暉圖書發行有限公司 in 2012.  The Chinese text was written by 張青史, and the English was written/translated by me.

小琉球的烏鬼洞

Xiaoliuqiu's Wuguei Cave (1)

公元1624年 , 荷蘭人攻佔南台灣後 , 同時也把黑人引進台灣 .  這些黑人是荷蘭人從非洲搶奪來的 , 他們的主要工作是服侍主人的生活起居及做一些低賤的工作 . In 1624, after the Dutch captured Taiwan (2), they brought black people to the island.  These black people were taken from Africa by the Dutch, and for the most part they were used as servants or given menial tasks.

公元1661年, 延平郡王鄭成功收復臺灣和澎湖, 趕走了荷蘭人.  由於荷蘭人撤退很匆忙, 所以少數分散在臺灣各地的黑人, 來不及和荷蘭人一起搭船離去. In 1661 [the Ming loyalist] Koxinga regained control of both Taiwan's main island and Penghu, thus driving out the Dutch.  Due to the haste with which the Dutch fled Taiwan, some of the black people living in other parts of the island had no time to board the Dutch ships as they escaped.

不過, 善良的臺灣人並沒有為難他們, 反而送給他們一艘船, 讓他們離開. The kindhearted people of Taiwan did not shun them however, but instead gave them a boat in which to depart the island. (3)

這艘滿載黑人的船開到屏東外海的小琉球附近時, 不幸遭遇颱風, 船撞上礁石沉沒, 許多黑人葬身海底.  幸運逃過一劫的黑人游到小琉球, 找到一個又深又崎嶇的山洞, 從此在島上住下來.  有些漁民知道他們藏身的洞穴, 就稱它為 "烏鬼洞". As the ship full of black people sailed into the waters off the coast of Pingtung, not far from Xiaoliuqiu, they encountered a typhoon.  Their boat then struck a reef and sank, and many of the black people went down with their ship, to the bottom of the ocean.  A few of these black people were able to swim over to Xiaoliuqiu, where they found a cave in which to weather the storm.  From that time onward they lived in the cave.  Local fishermen even began calling it Wuguei ("goblin") cave, after the black people dwelling there. (4)

小琉球是珊瑚礁島, 土地貧瘠, 農作物很難生長, 這些黑人只好到海邊打魚, 撿拾貝類過活. Xiaoliuqiu is a coral atoll.  The soil there is very poor, and crops grow with great difficulty.  The black people could only survive by fishing and collecting shellfish near the sea.

數年後, 一艘英國艦艇經過小琉球, 覺得風景不錯, 就放下一艘小艇, 載著幾名軍官, 在烏鬼洞西北方的蛤板登陸, 觀賞風光.  黑人以為英軍要來佔領這座島, 就仗著熟悉地形, 趁機燒掉小艇, 把英國軍官全部殺死.  到了下午, 英軍的艦長發現小艇沒有回來, 急忙派遣大批人馬到島上艘尋, 才發現已經艇燬人亡.  但是黑人潛伏在山洞裡, 英軍根本找不到. A few years later, a British ship was passing by Xiaoliuqiu.  Impressed by the scenery, several officers boarded a small boat and set out for the island.  They landed on Geban (Haban), northeast of Wuguei Cave.  The black people, thinking that the British were going to occupy the island, used their familiarity with the terrain to burn the British boat, and to kill all the officers.  In the afternoon the captain of the British ship, discovering that the small boat had not returned, sent a large group of people to the island to look for the missing officers.  They found the burned boat and dead officers, but the black people hid inside their cave and eluded capture.

英軍向漁民打聽, 才知道有黑人躲藏在 "烏鬼洞" 裡.  英軍先後派了幾批人進入山洞, 但是洞內曲折, 崎嶇, 非常黑暗, 英軍不得不撤退. The British talked to some fishermen and learned about the black people hiding inside Wuguei Cave.  Several marines from the British ship were sent to the cave, but the entrance was obstructed, it was difficult to navigate, and it was very dark inside.  The British marines had no choice but to turn back.

有人建議: "不知道堆柴灌油, 再引火燃燒, 即使不能殺死他們, 至少可以把他們逼出山洞." Someone suggested: "Maybe we could pile up firewood soaked in oil, set a fire, and even if this doesn't kill them, it will drive them out of the cave."

艦長決定照這個建議進行.  烏鬼洞內立刻濃煙四起, 陷入一片火海, 可是卻沒有任何一個黑人逃出洞外.  等大火熄滅後, 英軍進洞搜查, 發現黑人已經全部死在山洞裡. The captain decided to follow this suggestion.  Soon after, thick smoke was pouring into Wuguei Cave, and the interior was engulfed in a sea of flame.  Even so, none of the black people ran out of the cave.  After the fire was extinguished, the British searched the cave and found them all dead inside of it. (5)

10. Entry #204

The end of the semester approacheth*.  With what sober meditation shall I begin this lengthy discussion?  Let us begin with St. Anselm, and his ontological argument for the existence of the Deity.

1. St. Anselm, and His Ontological Argument for the Existence of the Deity

Pineapples are my favorite fruit!

2. What's your name?

Some of the people reading this blog know my name.  It's not a great mystery.  If you're one of those who don't it's not a big deal.  I am in reality a very boring person, and many people find conversations with me confusing.

Would I like you if I met you?  Probably.  I like most people I meet.  For example, in the two schools where I work, I like 19 people out of the 20 or so I regularly see there.  In terms of other foreign residents, I think the ratio is similar.  I don't, however, trust people who say they like everyone.  Such people probably need to get more in touch with themselves.

3. How old are you?

I turned 46 recently.  I also have a daughter who recently turned 20.  Do I feel old?  Not really.  I feel pretty much the same as I always do.  I feel like me.

It's a very obvious thing to say, but exercise and eating right helps.  I've noticed that friends who don't eat right or exercise seem to get sick a lot easier.

4. What color is it?

It, as in the universe?  I like to think of the universe as being turquoise, like those stones you buy in desert places.  My favorite color is green, but I like to think of the universe as being turquoise.  I'll bet you anything that there's some weird religion or philosophy centered around colors, and that in this system of belief turquoise has a special connotation.

5. Is it a bird?

"Bird" in Taiwan is often slang for penis.  English teachers here must always be careful when using "bird" in the classroom, especially in conjunction with "small" or "big."  Junior high school students always have a field day with "bird."  When I was teaching junior high school "motel" was another danger word.

6. Are you fat?

No, not at all.  Some people tell me I'm too thin.  In the summer I sweat off a lot of weight, in the winter I'm slightly bigger.

7. Who's he?

You mean that guy outside, on the basketball court?  I believe he's the school PE teacher.  Today seems to be jump rope class.  I like PE teachers more when they don't yell all the time.  Some PE teachers are big believers in military-style discipline, and hearing them berate kids for not lining up properly gets old fast.

8. Are you a doctor?

No, I'm not.  I happen to be a teacher of English.  I've been a teacher of English for over twenty years, and yes, I still like the job.  Unlike some other foreign English teachers, I'm not looking to teach in a university (done that already), and I'm not overly concerned with how much I make in comparison to others.

And I don't mean to burst anyone's bubble, but most teachers in most universities don't make all that much money.  I think what keeps a lot of people employed in universities is a sense of prestige (or in some cases intellectual vanity), but the reality of teaching in a university is often quite different from what people imagine it to be.  Sure, if you're a halfway attractive person there's the lure of sexually inquisitive college students, but that can be a dangerous game to play.

9. Can you run?

Yeah, I ran yesterday.  How far did I run?  I'm not sure.  I definitely ran more than 6 km, but I'm not sure how far it is from my village to the next village over.  I'm guessing around 7 km?  Definitely not more than 8 km.

I run on Wednesdays now.  I'd like to run more, but that will probably have to wait.  I'll be able to run twice a week during winter vacation, but for now I'm a little hampered by bicycling back and forth between my house and my two schools.  There's also the garbage truck to consider.  If I run twice a week I'll probably miss the garbage truck.

10. Can you read?

Yes I can, thank you.  I've been reading since I was old enough to read.  Presently I'm reading a somewhat boring novel called Man's Fate.  It's about the communist revolution in China, and it was written by a Frenchman in the 1930s.

The characters in this book get into the most pointless conversations.  They'll be raiding a police station for arms, and then a character will start talking about fate, or the historical necessity for revolution, or something similarly irritating.  Then something violent will happen, but it wont' be something violent enough to keep you interested in the story.

Before Man's Fate I was reading another book called The God Machine, written in 1968.  I liked The God Machine much more.  That novel is definitely a product of its time - complete with a characteristic dose of misogyny - but I found its theorizing on nature of artificial intelligence interesting.

11. What do you want?

I'm getting evaluated today, so I want that to go well.  I don't have any reason to think it won't go well, but I've heard of teachers getting the odd, adversarial evaluator.  Some people are on a power trip; some other people think "earning their money" means pointless criticism.

Beyond that I think I'd like pizza for my birthday.  I'm thinking about driving up to Donggang, buying a pizza at Domino's, and then taking the pizza to a bar I like.  That sounds like a fine birthday to me.  I'd probably come up with a more ambitious plan if my birthday wasn't on a weekday.

12. Do you like apples?

No, not really.  I'll eat them if they're put in front of me, but I've never enjoyed apples.

13. How can I resolve my ontological dilemma?

Maybe have a pineapple?  Pineapples always make me feel better.

14. What time is it?

It's definitely NOT Hammer Time, because as we all know, MC Hammer only appears and kills you with his dance moves if you type his name THREE times.

At the time of writing it's 12:11.  I just ate lunch and washed my lunch bowl in the sink outside the office.  It's dark and cold and I'm kinda sleepy.

15. Where's the ball?

My ball is in the English classroom, on the other side of the school.  My ball is a green and blue soccer ball.  I haven't used my ball that much in class, mostly because I've been lazy to take the kids outside for ball games.  I think we played dodgeball once.  Next semester I should really take the kids outside more.  This will also be easier next semester, because my class at the other school was moved down to the second floor from the third.

16. Where are you?

I'm sitting in front of a computer, in an office with several other teachers, in Fangliao Elementary School, in Fangliao Township, in Pingtung County, in south Taiwan, in Asia, in the northern hemisphere, on a planet orbiting a sun which is just the right distance away to allow for the presence of water in its liquid state.

I think water works best a a liquid, don't you?  You can drink it, you can swim in it, and fish seem very fond of it.  I don't like water as a gas so much.  It makes everything rainy.  I also don't like water as a solid, because it makes running and bicycling more dangerous.

17. How's the weather?

As said above it's dark and cold.  Even on the Hengchun Peninsula it gets dark and cold in the winter.  It won't last long though.  Soon it'll be sunny again, and then I can go swimming.

18. Where are you from?

I'm from the country that gave you Donald Trump.  I'm from the northwest corner of that country, near Canada but not as far up as Alaska.  I'm from a city famous for its gourmet coffee and the operating system beloved by hackers everywhere.

19. What language do you speak?

I speak English and Chinese.  I also like to think that my cats understand me when I speak to them.  And how does one "reach" a two month old kitten, anyway?  How do I enter into an embarrassing discussion of cat turds deposited outside the litter box?  Or should I ignore this problem, hoping it will go away?

20. In an ever-expanding universe headed for certain doom, how can I prepare myself for the theological ramifications of the COVID virus, Mr. Donald Trump?

Again, pineapples.  Pineapples are there for you.  Of course I'm not Donald Trump (I'd be trying and failing to type this on Twitter if I was), but I think pineapples are your best bet.